Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The story of a man looking for a perfect match- A Motivational Story About Searching For Life Partner



Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and peace to all,



I was looking into my diary and just realized that tomorrow will be my parent's 36th wedding anniversary. Masya'Allaah. It shall be both a happy and sad day for my dad. Since 10 years ago, he has changed the way he celebrated and remembered that special day. It used to be a night out for a romantic dinner for the whole family plus a beautiful and really special gift for my mum. I love to watch the display of affection and love he had always shown her. But now, it is only visit to my mum's grave. Yes, my mum passed away 10 years ago.

My dad's undying love for my mum is one in a million. She passed away in his arms. He was carrying her (actually running) to the car to rush her to the hospital when she suddenly developed difficulty in breathing right after the Isya' prayer. And she passed away before he could get into the car.

And tomorrow, i know my dad will be in the mosque for his Fajr prayer and will visit the love of his life's grave right after. He can spent hours there. Only Allaah knows what he does there. Then, when he comes back, he shall locked himself in his room, until one of us knock his door and make him open it.

My dad used to say that before he married my mum, both of them created a list. A list of things that they both like and love about each other, things that they cannot change, things that they can change, their values and expectations of each other. Talk about being practical!

My dad insist that there is no perfect match in this world. What is there is only two people, trying to match all their likes and dislikes, and complement each other's strengths and negotiate their wants and needs so that they can live loving each other and live harmoniously together. And of course, by the mercy of Allaah, bestow upon them pious children.

Surah Al-A'raf : Ayah [189]
It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her. When he had sexual relation with her, she became pregnant and she carried it about lightly. Then when it became heavy, they both invoked Allah, their Lord (saying): "If You give us a Salih (good in every aspect) child, we shall indeed be among the grateful."


I remember reading this story about the perfect relationship...

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand! you need television."

Isnt that funny? I find the story to be hilarious!

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses.

Is marriage that important for a Muslim?

4776. It is related that Anas ibn Malik said, "A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet , may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about how the Prophet worshipped. When they were told, it was as if they thought it was little and said, 'Where are we in relation to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, who has been forgiven his past and future wrong actions?'" He said, "One of them said, 'I will pray all of every night.' Another said, 'I will fast all the time and not break the fast.' The other said, "I will withdraw from women and never marry.' The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, came to them and said, 'Are you the ones who said such-and-such? By Allah, I am the one among you with the most fear and awareness of Allah, but I fast and break the fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever disdains my sunna is not with me.'" The Sahih Collection of al-Bukhari

This hadeeth has shown us the importance of marriage institution in Islam. I am sure we all know that. But, what we usually fail to understand as told in the story above is the criteria of a spouse that we should be looking for. Tall, dark and handsome could be a line many of us girls frequently say. The same goes to the men. Fair maiden would be their guideline.

Seriously,whom should we marry? What do we look for in a spouse?

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be losers. Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:


The guideline is so simple and straightforward. Deen should be the criteria of seeking a spouse. Simple, yet, many of us find difficulties to follow. Are we going to take the advice by our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW or are we going to end up with a television? :)))

Sis Zabrina
~ Your Source for Islamic Motivational and Inspirational Stories ~

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20 comments:

Anonymous said...

assalmu alikom
nice story...and it is really very rare to hear such a thing happenning....nowadays people do not care abotu religion although they might talk for hours about it but when it is time to act they shift 180 degrees and started saying that life is difficult and cost of living is high and future is not bright......people nowadys seem not to believe that Allah is the one who give RIZQ and human being are helpless but who really cares.....we see nowadays coupling and what it brings of social ills....time is running short for us all.....it is near and then people will not have time to good anymore.

thanx
wassalam

edyan7 said...

Salaam Sis,

A very sweet story of ur parents. Surely open my eyes more about marriage after having reading it. Exactly, like ur dad insists, no perfect match in this world, just two different people try to complete and balance each other out.

The "list" thing is interesting, I may need to think a way to enrich my marriage :)

Thanks...

Sharique said...

Well articulated indeed! but i wonder how would someone choose a religious spouse in a culture were arranged marriage has dominated the scene for years. Its a matter of luck basically.

Sharique said...

And i forgot the story of your father really made my heart heavy...inshAllah they will be reunited in heaven

someone said...

assalamu alikom
well the problem is we really lie to ourself by saying that we can not choose.....if u do good deeds and ask Allah subhanahu wa taa'ala u will get it insh'Allah but we say luck arranged marriage and when we got a problem we blame it on the arranged marriage....what a life.....
thanx
wassalam

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and peace to all,

Thank for your all your comments. I am deligted to get such feedbacks from you all.

Anonymous --> I know that nowadays, there are too many factors that 'disturbs' our judgement of choosing a spouse. This is the hard reality in life. I too wish all Muslims would go back to the way of Sunnah of our Prophet SAW. Things will surely get easier, Insya'Allaah.

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum sis Edyan,

Try that list sis! :))) My dad still has it in his wedding album. It can definitely remind you the reason of why you fall in love with your husband in the first place. I pray that the spark in your marriage shall never end ;)))

Sis Zabrina

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum bro Sharique,

Well, i think it is quite straightforward. It is not the issue of who chooses your life partner. The issue is that the person who chooses, whether it is yourself or your parents, should choose the person according to the guideline given. And thank you so much for the prayer for my parents :)). I really appreciate that and Ameen to that too.

Sis Zabrina

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and peace to all,

Someone --> A failed relationship or marriage has nothing to do with luck. It is the fate that we have to accept. Regardless of how painful it can be sometimes. There are times that two souls really want things to work out, but, circumstances does not allow it. Allaah has decided that the time wasnt right. That is the fate they both have to swallow and accept. Painful, but, life is like that. You are right, 'Someone', what a life... We have to embrace all the comes no matter what, Insya'Allaah His help is near. Stay strong.

Sis Zabrina

daanish said...

ka beena,

it was one of the nicest blog. Indeed quran and hadith give us the principles of life n we shud follow the accordingly.


wassalam

Sharique said...

Assalamu Alaikum
@ someone- do u think things happen perfectly to people who are pious? They don't! its the test of this world my dear... remember Allah is with the sabereen (one who has patience)...so u see getting someone pious is just a matter of luck..c'mon there is no meter that would measure the degree of piousness

@sister Zabrina- thats exactly my point but refer to my points above. And further things don't happen that perfectly as i told earlier we live in a society were we have little control over our lives. So called elders dictate our terms even though they are not religious!! and particularly for a girl it becomes more difficult to speak her intentions and then usually she suffers all her life...

Norziati MR said...

Dear Sis,

Such a good and touching story. It's hard to see such relation nowadays, but hope and prays for that.

Btw, i would like to add link your blog to my blog. Can i?

Zeti

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and peace to all,

Brother Danish : Thank you for the compliment. Indeed we are given the Quran and Sunnah to become our guideline in this life, Alhamdulillaah.. Insya'Allaah we are here to remind each other the teachings of Islam. Do drop by my blog in the future. Salaam

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and peace to all,

Dear sis Zeti,

You are right. Nowadays, it is rare to get the 'older' generation kinda love. But, you are right, we should always have faith and hope to get such love. Of course you can link by blog to yours. I will be more than honoured my dear sis. Do come back and visit my blog and post your valuable comments here. Take care sis. Salaam.

someone said...

salam to all
Sharique
there is no such a thing as luck buddy.....there is fate and destiny.....luck is something randomg which is not the way Allah make things in this world.....becareful what u say....people do not know what is in the unseen.....being pious does not mean things will work perfectly in this life but this does not mean u should not be one.....but believe me if u r sincere with Allah he give u more than u wish.....
the issue here is that whenever something good happen we say luck and when something goes wrong we say why this is happenning....
i hope u got the point
thanx
wassalam

Sister Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum and Peace to all,

Someone --> I agree with you. In my earlier comment made above, i agree that whatever that we face in this life is depending on our qada' and qadar. We can only do so much after which we should surrender our fate to Allaah and pray that He gives us what is best for us. Luck is the western propaganda to weaken our faith and to make us think that Allaah and Deen has nothing to do in our life's course. Nauzubillaah.

sheryza said...

asalaam wa alikum sister zabrina. thank you for tthat very touching story. subhanallah marriages today are not like what you described about your father and mother. they seem to share a very special love. mashallah and they respected each other. jazak allahu khairan for the advise one the rest of the post. take care this is a very nice blog by the way. you certainly have a way with words. mashallah.

Sis Zabrina said...

Bismillaah

As Salaamu 'alaykum sis Shazia,

Jazakallaah kheyr for your sweet words. It is true. Nowadays, our lives are more challenging, but, Insya'Allaah, with hardship comes easiness. Take care and hope to see you here again!

Sis Zabrina

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